THE TWELVE YATS OF CHRISTMAS

(Benny "Grunch" Antin) Anzel Anzel, BMI

1. On'da foist day'a Christmas mah

Mawmaw gave'to me a Crawfish'dey

Caught in Arabi

2. In'da Christmas Picayune I seen it

Dere'n Section E, Tujaque's Recipe

3. On'da thoid day' a Christmas we
Stopped at McKenzie for Three French Breads

4. On the fourth day I said OK let's get a

Christmas tree Before'ya Drive Me Nuts

5. On the fifth day of Christmas we

stopped at A&G for Frrried Onion Rrrings

6. On'da sixth day'a Christmas we

stopped at K&B's for a Six Pack'a Dixie

7. Cemetery traffic got backed up to

Metairie at the Seventeenth Street Canal

8. On'da eighth day of Christmas me and

Rosalie Ate By'ya Mama's

9. On the ninth day of Christmas we drove

down Delery in'da Lower Ninth Ward

10. I used'ta be at Kaiser now I'm woikin

down'da street at'da Tenneco Chalmette Refinery

11. On the eleventh day at Vetran's

Highway try'ta cross the street with Eleven Schwegmann Bags

12. On the twelfth day of Christmas my

true love gave to me a Dozen Manuel's Tamales

 

SANTA AND HIS REINDEER USED TO LIVE RIGHT HERE

(Benny "Grunch" Antin) Anzel Anzel, BMI

Siding on the sides, washer in the rear
Santa and his reindeer used to live right here

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here's a Christmas story thatcha probably didn't know
Like most Christmas stories happened long time ago
In a renovated double near Broad and St. Bernard
Lived a fat little hippy with some livestock in his yard

There was elves in and out, a refrigerated van
People thought it was a day-care or a Sno-Ball stand
Been a bunch of tenants, been a bunch of years
But Santa and his reindeer used to live right here

Time Saver save time, spent a lot of dimes
Reindeer need a lot of Icees in the summertime
Working through the rain, through Betsy's Hurricane
Wasn't just playin no reindeer games
Blitzen went to McDonaugh, Rudolf went to Colton School
It was rough bein reindeer 'fore reindeer were cool
Dasher went to Warren Easton, Donna went to Sacret Heart
She didn't make the dances but they'd meet in City Park

Porch in the front, yard in the back
Still got toys in the attic in the sack
Siding on the sides, washer in the rear
Santa and his reindeer used to live right here

Sold a little toys, paid a little rent
Made deliveries on the street car, it was only seven cents
They needed somethin bigger for a bigger operation
Doin lotta Greyhound Waitin-At-The-Station

They were looking at a four-door Oldsmobile
Instead bought a sleigh out the News On Wheels
Added power-steering, added power-brakes
Had that sled painted red at Fact-O-Bake

It would magically propel, but park parallel
But you know Rudolf, he don't wanna wear no helmet
Traffic, weather, "we really wanna stay"
Oh, Santa's pretty tired getting his sleigh towed away

Ok, you know where they went, OK you know it's cold up there
Ok, you know it's in the middle of everywhere
I wanna make it plain, I wanna make it clear
Santa and his reindeer used to live right here

(rap chorus)
(sing chorus)
(rap chorus)
(sing chorus)

AIN'T DERE NO MORE - Part 1

(Benny "Grunch" Antin) Anzel Anzel, BMI

Where's the downtown stores
Ain't there no more
Where's the Schwegmann's stores
Ain't there no more
Where's all the stores
Ain't there no more

Everybody cried
On the Live Eyewitness news
McKenzie's got closed down
'Cause a zink was all mildewed

Well, they opened up again
But while I was in line
They all closed down, but I heard they're gonna
Open one more time

Just hotels, just hotels
More are on the way
Mr. Bingle quit at the Carlton Ritz
"Cause he can't reach the buffet..ay

Krauss is gone so you can't try on
No queen-size lingerie
But, watcha gonna do with K & B
And Schwegmann's gone away

A & G's ain't there no more
Mc Crory's ain't there no more
Waterbury's ain't there no more
Dailey's ain't there no more
Red Goose-'a ain't there no more
Them kiddies shoes-'a ain't there no more
Godchaux's Mens …On the second floor?
That's the one! ain't there no more

Maison Blanche and Holme's
Was just like dinosaurs
That roamed out in Gentilly Woods
Before it was explored

Downtown a million years
Then gone in just a blink
MB's and Holmes and dinosaurs
Are mostly all extinct

(Just hotels chorus)

Lowes State show ain't there no more
Miller Wohl ain't there no more
Leonard Krower's ain't there no more
Claiborne Towers ain't there no more
Well, Kress's then ain't there no more
'Was a "five and ten" ain't there no more
Old Grocery store with the …double screen door?
That's the one! Ain't there no more

Paw paw shopped at Schwegmann's
Forty years or more
'Cause Schwegmann's had a bar-room
Right there in the store

Paw Paw got some French bread
Then he hung around
He'd walk home with the shopping cart
So he wouldn't just fall down

(Just hotels chorus)

Labiche's ain't there no more
Kreeger's ain't there no more
Stein's is great ain't there no more
Rivergate ain't there no more

Hey, look they're layin tracks
Canal street-car is back
And Rubenstein's and Walgreens
Still right there where they at

(Just hotels chorus)

Watcha gonna do with K & B
And Schwegmann's gone away

Schwegmann's gone away
Ain't there no more
Schwegmann's gone away
Ain't there no more

(Repeat and fade)

BUT IT REALLY IS A CHRISTMAS SONG

(3:37), c 2009 (B. Antin) Anzel Anzel, BMI

(Party Noise)

Here's a Christmas song. Everybody sing along.

It's supposed to sound like Christmas, but it mighta' come out wrong.

Instead'a gettin' Christmas sounds, we partied way too long.

Now we're shoppin' late on Christmas Eve, and all the good stuff's gone.

 

Lucky that we got this parkin' spot. (aoogha horn)

It's so dark and foggy in this parking lot. (owl)

The food court shouldn't smell like this at all. (elephant)

I think like maybe we ain't at the mall. (Tarzan)

 

And, PetSmart had frogs for the bathtub. (frogs)

WalMart had tires for the truck. (truck horn)

QuickeeMart ain't got a partridge in a pear tree,

So the nice man sold us his duck. (quack)

 

(ahoo - gha) (ah -choo) (frog) (truck horn) (elephant)

(Blaahh!) (whee - whistle) Everybody sing along.

(Tarzan) Well it mighta' come out wrong.

 But it really is a Christmas song.

 

(Party Noise)

 We need Santa jingle-hats, elves that rap,

Snowmen that tap, and a singing welcome mat.

A solar-powered Christmas tree that lights up when ya' clap (clap)

But you don't have to hear 'em now, they'd sold out all a'dat.

 

We snuck inside the mall just when they closed. (mall-cop whistle) 

Santa's in his chair on snooze-control. (snore-whee)

Some eggnog they still had was pretty old. (Blaahh!)

And Rudolf's shiny nose had caught a cold. (ah - choo)

 

(And, PetSmart, etc...)

 

(Ahoo -gha, ah - choo, frog, truck horn, elephant) etc...

 

(Party Noise)

 They still had artificial snow, plastic mistletoe,

PlayDough that glows, and a map'a Idaho,

Learn to draw just like van Gogh, poinsettias turnin' brown.

Might as well just go back home. This stuff won't make a sound.

 

Not a creature stirred back at the house. (mouse squeek)

'Cept the elephant was waitin' on the couch. (elephant)

But hey, we bought some bongos and a gong (bongos and gong),

From a guy dressed op like Tarzan on the lawn. (Tarzan)

 

(And, PetSmart, etc...)

 

(Ahoo - gha, ah - choo, frog, truck horn, elephant) etc...

replace (Tarzan) with (bongos and gong)

 

(Party Noise)

 (Ahoo - gha, ah - choo, frog truck horn, elephant) etc...

replace (bongos and gong) back to (Tarzan)

Really is a Christmas song...(quack)

Really is a Christmas song...(Ahoogha)

Really is a Christmas song...(whistle)

Really is a Christmas song...(Tarzan)

Really is a Christmas song...(Blaahh!)

Really is a Christmas song...(owl)

 

NORRIS THE NOCTURNAL NUTRIA

(Benny "Grunch" Antin) Anzel Anzel, BMI

Norris the Nocturnal Nutria

Norris was a Nutria
Who could not get to sleep
Playin on the lawn all night long
At #3 Cypress Tree

Norris thought he was way too big
To stay on his own front lawn
He swam in the dark to West End Park
And tunneled into a restaurant

Momma and Daddy sat Norris down
With his pals on the nutrial-ground
Hey it's Christmas time, if you're not gonna sweat it
Layin wide awake in the nest ain't gonna get it

Every kid who grows, Santa knows
Every time they sleep and eat
If you can't find sheep, ya better count Jeeps
Or try warm milk with Nutria Sweet, they said

Norris, you're a Nocturnal Nutria
Norris, don't know what we're gonna do witcha'
Norris, better think about your futura

You and all your pals, out in the canals
Swimmin after dark at West End Park
We don't know where you're goin
We don't know where you been
But Santa don't come till you're really tucked in

Norris at bed time Christmas Eve
Made a stretch, did some yawns
Set the alarm, put his jammies on
Brushed his teeth till they were nice and orange

Norris wrote a Santa note
He wants a watch, a soccer ball
A jet-ski boat so he can float
In Reverse and Drive and Nutrial

Poor little Norris gotta be nocturnal
Sittin up in bed with the Ladies Home Journal
Tried CNN, elevator-FM
That's when he thought he heard Santa come in

It was just a frog on the living room log
Santa stopped to take his pill
'Fore he had to tromp through the whole wide swamp
Santa fell asleep at the Bar & Grill

(Norris chorus)
(West-End chorus)

Now it's light of day, check out Santa's sleigh
It's full of dings from the parking lot
And Mrs. Clause don't like no bars
But Santa knew he had to make on more stop

So not it's mornin, Norris is snoring
Santa looked at his lap-top screen
Norris didn't pout, he kinda watched out
Guess I'll go ahead and leave him everything, he said

Norris, you're a Nocturnal Nutria
Norris, don't know what we're gonna do witch
Norris, this is what I got for ya

A night-time pass to the Sno-Ball Stand
An underwater watch with an alligator band
Gotcha soccer ball, no jet-ski yet
But here's a little nutria size bullet proof vest

(Norris chorus)
(West-End chorus)

SANTEE'N NEM'S GOIN' GREEN

c 2009 (B. Antin) Anzel Anzel, BMI

Santa took a look at his electric bill. That's when he started to scream. We ain't standin' still. I'm puttin' in windmills, and Geothermic steam. He ordered solar panels on the Eco-Channel. Santee'n nem's goin' green!

There's a hybrid, no-lead, safety-red, rocket-sled, two-door, open sleigh. On eBay! It's rechargeable, washable, no-emissions, mint-condition. Jingle all the way....Solar panels...Eco-Channel...Geothermic steam...Santee'n nem's goin' green!

We're cuttin' off the power here, to save the earth's atmosphere. We got more song? Turn it back on!

The Elves' been shoppin' at Whole Foods. It's a long way to go in the snow. (They're) takin' green teas and omega-3's. Now it's startin' to show. They're macrobiotic. It's gettin' chaotic. 'Cause the Elves are startin' to grow.

There's a hybrid, etc...

...Green teas...Omega-3's...The Healthy Bean...Santee'n nem's goin' green!

We're cuttin' off the power, etc..

Mrs. Claus is goin' on Oprah, talkin'bout her brand new book. It's an expose' titled Reindeer Play, 'bout them Christmas Eve trips they took. Plus, household tips, carbon footprints, and cleanin' up reindeer hoofs.

There's a hybrid, etc...

...As seen on Oprah...So you can quote her...Household hints on clean...Santee'n nem's goin' green!

We're cuttin' off the power, etc...

Rudolf's off at boot camp. The boy's just outta' control. He got into trouble, bein' funny on the double. Puttin' sunscreen all over his nose. So, he's cleanin' sanitation at the Rangers' Station, till he gets himself composed.

There's a hybrid, etc...

...Sanitation...Ranger Station... Sunscreen...Santee'n nem's goin' green!

...Flexi-fuel...Inter-cooled...It's on eBay...Jingle all the way!

...Ozone layers...Polar bears...Feng Shui...Jingle all the way!

...Arginine...Protein...Given' up Karate's...Goin' to Pilate's

...Fuel-cell...No-smell...(fades out)

 

AIN'T DERE NO MORE - PART 2

 

(Benny "Grunch" Antin) Anzel Anzel, BMI

We're gonna go out 'most every night
Checkin out all the Christmas lights,
Ain't Dere No More's, got lots to say
Listen up fast or get out the way

I tried all night in Metry
At various locals
You can't catch oysters out the
West Esplanade canal

So-- Spray Rudolf with a can of Off
And set the house alarm
We'll go see lites in Metry
And what they got that's gone

JC's…Ain't dere no more
House of Lee's…Ain't dere no more
Metry Ford…Ain't dere no more
On Metry Road…Ain't dere no more
Pelican Bowl…Ain't dere no more
Wrap' N Roll…Ain't dere no more
How 'bout the Real…Superstore
That's the one…Ain't dere no more

If your lights in St. Bernard
Stay up the whole year then
Just wait at least till Trick or Treat
Before ya plug em in

So-Spray Rudolf with a can of Off
And set the house alarm
We'll go see lites in St. Bernard
And what they got that's gone

Atlantic Thrift…Ain't dere no more
Drug Store was Trist…Ain't dere no more
Jerry La Vie's…Ain't dere no more
Broom Factory…Ain't dere no more
Cow Town…Ain't dere no more
Whole thing burned down…Ain't dere no more
West's Lumber…Cut them boards
2 x 4's…Ain't dere no more

Lakeveiw's getting swank
Coffee shops and banks
And churches where they all give thanks
For the streets that ain't yet sank

So-- Spray Rudolf with a can of Off
We'll go see lites in Lakeview
And what they got that's gone

Rockery Inn…Ain't dere no more
Velvet Swing…Ain't dere no more
Lenfant's in the back…Ain't dere no more
Smokehouse smoke stack…Ain't dere no more
Don't Cook Tonight…Ain't dere no more
Call Chicken Delight…Ain't dere no more
Lakeview Show then…Harrison Drug Store
Studio-A…Ain't dere no more

On St. Charles Avenue
They need some more de¢cor
But Audubon Park wouldn't be so dark
If the Copelands lived next door

So-- Spray Rudolf with a can of Off
And set the house alarm
We'll go see lites in Uptown
And what they got that's gone

Eiffel Tower…Ain't dere no more
Loretta's Flowers…Ain't dere no more
Swan Boat…Ain't dere no more
A Schweikhardt's float…Ain't dere no more
Beaconette…Ain't dere no more
Frank's on Feret…Ain't dere no more
The Kiddie Store…No, that's Broadmore!
Wise's…Ain't dere no more

Whatcha wanna see now…Across the river
I'm goin back home..Comin with us
Bridgebowl…Ain't dere no more
Keyhole…Ain't dere no more
Coulon's, Borne's…Hardware stores?
Don't tell me…Ain't dere no more

Belle Promenade Mall…Ain't dere no more
The stores 'n all? …Ain't dere no more
Magnolia Grill…Ain't dere no more
Wego On The Hill…Ain't dere no more
Cellar Club…Ain't dere no more
It's The Last Roundup…Ain't dere no more

Jacobson Young…Where the lights are strung
We must be goin down…Carrollton
Jim's Fried Chicken…Ain't dere no more
Homeplate still kickin? …Ain't dere no more
Pelican Stadium…Ain't dere no more
Lemme guess…Ain't dere no more
Security's…Ain't dere no more

Rueter's Seeds…Ain't dere no more
Cloverlands' Cows…Ain't dere no more
Post Office Now? …Ain't dere no more
Gerard Chevrolet…(Impala 2-Door)
Let me drive…Ain't dere no more

Whatcha wanna see now…Out by the lake
I'm goin back home…Betta just wait
The Bounty…Ain't dere no more
East End Bakery…Ain't dere no more
Schult's got the…Fresh Hardware
Bart's…Ain't hardly there

Maggie and Smitty's…Ain't dere no more
And all those kitties…Ain't dere no more
The My O My…Ain't dere no more

Bali Hai…Ain't dere no more
Dancing Fountains…Ain't dere no more
Just keep on countin…Ain't dere no more

Rosenberg's…That's The Name!
18 - 25…Tu-lane
Gus Betat's, right…Ain't dere no more
Witcha' Paw Paw's bike…Ain't dere no more
Hadocol…Ain't dere no more
The Parades 'n all…Ain't dere no more
Topaz…Where that went?
Hi Balls…25¢
Miller The Killa'…A Real Killa' Dilla'
Ain't Dere No Mooorrre

 

CHRISTMAS IN CHALMETTE

(Benny "Grunch" Antin) Anzel Anzel, BMI

There's a little town straight on down
The Avenue of St. Claude
With Our Lady of Prompt Succor Church
In the Parish of St. Bernard
I have been there, got-gown in there
Alas, without regret
It was a special time of year…
Christmas in Chalmette (whistle)

You could sail to Avondale across the hemispheres
Ya oughta rode the ferry boat from Lower Coast Algiers
Straight ahead at Judge Perez go right, no wait that's wrong
So turn around by Tenneco, 'cept Tenneco is gone

There's manger scenes with laser beams blinkin off and on
Just pull all the stuff you want right out on your front lawn
Three Wise Kinds and angels sing to wooden reindeer heads

Santa pose in Elvis clothes, it's Christmas in Chalmette

Wake up Christmas mornin to TV Ninja Wars
Kids in shades and roller-blades playin new guitars
Some guy got some Bond-O, he's beatin out his dents
Engines turnin up a bunch'a thousand RPM's

But sometimes late on Christmas Eve a ghost or two appears
It's Jean Lafitte and you say, John hey where's your Buccaneers
Don't get smart with ghosts you meet at Chalmette Battlefield
Don't play with them ol' cannons, 'cause they still can shoot for real (cannon)

Excuse me if I'm giddy, but let's not go back home
I've had drive-thru daquiris in cups of styrofoam
Let's go down the road, we'll get crabs soft-shelled
Can't leave this time of year

Traffic's bad as hell

You was late because you caught the bridge and train and then
Turned around and caught the train and caught the bridge again
Did you take some Polaroids of every place you've been
And visit sacred ruins like the St. Bernard Drive-In

So lemme see the pictures, what they came out bad, for true
Come back again take I-510, no-huh you that too
You're luck see, it on CD and audio cassette
This is it, it ain't no (buzzer) it's Christmas in Chalmette
Christmas in Chalmette…
(ring…bark…ratchet…fog horn…breaking glass…cannon)

Merry Christmas, Dawlin'…

 

I GOT A USED KAZOO FOR CHRISTMAS

(Benny "Grunch" Antin) Anzel Anzel, BMI

I got a used kazoo for Christmas (kazoos)
It's kinda smooshed but what's the difference (kazoo)
I don't lend it out to strangers (kazoo)
Kazoos are hardly ever dangerous (kazoo)

I'm fixin a sammich to send to Santa (Fa la)
Delta air-freight through Atlanta (Fa la)
Don't need to be refrigerated (Fa la)
'Cause I just now accidently ate it (Fa la)
Hey Baby, kick it for me!

I'm asked to sing with the Yacht Club Chorus (Fa la)
The Commodore will just adore us (Fa la)
The members say we're all improving (Fa la)
Perhaps, I'll even shake-my-groove-thing (Fa la)
(Opera Lady & Sammich guy (Fa la)

So every day and all night long (Car alarm)
I set-off my car alarm (Car alarm)
The neighbors yelled, "Hey get a job!" (Car alarm)
Then turned into an angry mob (Car alarm)

(Kazoo and Car alarm play O Come All Ye Faithful)

I shouldn't have no carbonation (Fa la & burps)
Says so on my medication (Fa la & burps)
I was at this party having a soda (Fa la & burps)
La burp la la burp, la la burp (Fa la & burps)
A warm root-beer, then a diet-cola (Fa la & burps)
(Kazoo Kid, Opera Lady & Car alarm Fa la)

I got a part time job this fall (Kazoo)
I'm a reindeer at the mall (Kazoo)
I wear hoffies on my toes (Kazoo)
And a light with batteries up my nose (Kazoo)

(Raindeer girl with batteries in her nose, Opera Lady, Sammich guy & Kazoo Fa la)

(Everybody joins in)
I got a used kazoo for Christmas (kazoos)
It's kinda smooshed but what's the difference (kazoo)
I don't lend it out to strangers (kazoo)
Kazoos are hardly ever dangerous (kazoo)

(Everybody Fa la)
(Everybody Fa la)

 

METAIRIE O METAIRIE

Copyright-2003 (Benny 'Grunch Antin) Anzel-Anzel, BMI

Metairie O Metairie, Take Veterans go Westerly
Startin from Lake Avenue, Wavin to construction crews
Ya betta not get jet propelled, There's Kenner Cops past Roosevelt

But Metry Cops O Metry Cops, They don't make no traffic stops
They don't file police reports, At the Bucktown Civil District Court
They don't send out for onion rings, 'Cause Metry Cops... Ain't no such thing
And that's how come we'll never watch, A cable show called Metry Cops
Chasin guys like the ones you see, In undershirts on Real TV

Metairie, Metairie, M-E-T-A-I-R-I-E
That's the way that it's supposed to be, But me; I say Metry

Lakeside Mall O Lakeside Mall, Looka that big crowd n'all
In tennis shoes at mornin' time, walkin fast for exercise
I'm keepin up but it's gettin wierd, Walkin fast while you're drinkin beer
So I'm checkin out rhe parkin lot, A zillion yellow parkin spots
They're puttin up the Christmas star, And viewing stands for Mardi Gras

\

Metry Cabs O Metry Cabs, Get mad when you eat boiled crabs
Jumbo shrimps that's barbequed, Sno-balls that make your teeth turn blue
But Metry cabs get really glad, When ya' wanna' go to..."Beau Revadge"?

(Metairie, Metairie...chorus)

Grocery stores O Grocery stores, Caution Automatic Doors !
I went to The Real Supa Store, I forgot...Ain't Dere No More
I'm tryin to improve my mind, Readin tabloids in the check-out line
I read that Harry Lee was the chauffera, Waitin outside for Operha
She was chowin down at Sal 'n Sams, With Elvis and a alien

(Metairie, Metairie...chorus)

Metry Lawn O Metry Lawn, Great place to go when you are gone
By the end of I-610, Right there by your Mamma,n Nem
That's where I'll take my final bow, But maybe not just right right now

(Metairie, Metairie...chorus)

Metairie, Metairie; 834- and 833-
Sorry you caught termites in your trees, But I still like Metry

Metairie, Metairie; Where ya' hardly never ever freeze
But when I got my allergies, I can still say Metry
I just say Metry; Me, I say Metry

 

THE ELVES FINALLY RAP

(Benny "Grunch" Antin) Anzel Anzel, BMI

We, called ya'll together and we're glad you're here
Letcha' know how us elves we really feel
'Bout the toys and the shop and the gear for the deer
We're finally rappin. Can you hear us in the rear?

We're gonna start right out with a few surprises
We're all two feet tall but different sizes
Like Relf here can eat three pizza piezes
Is that right, Relfy? "Yeah, surprises."

Can we ride the roller coaster?…"Gotta be tall"
Get a Bay Watch poster?…"Too small"
Drive in the bumper cars?…"Gotta be tall"
Play electric guitars…"Too small"
Shoot a BB rifle…"Gotta be tall"
Motorcycle…"No way at all!"

When you're two feet tall where the north wind blows
Life can be cold when you live at the pole

These ain't our beards, ain't really our hats
And really these shoes. Where'd they get them at?
Say "Nobody's feet really looks like that."

Melfin here speaks Elfin if you need a translator
Manuelf is a glacier skater
You met Relph, elevator operator
Ol' Delf is a Elfis impersonator. "Ooooo!"

(chorus)

When you're two feet tall where the north wind blows
Life can be cold if you live at the pole

Tired of needin somebody big with me
Tired of seein movies all rated with G

Saturday we gotta pile in the sleigh
With Mrs. Clause, it's her grocery day

With her jewelry and her list and her hair all sprayed
She's a little old lady who drives this way

With her head all back like she's lookin up
But she can't see over no reindeer butts
And we're holdin on screamin like we must be nuts
But she won't were her glasses and her eyes freeze shut

If you're two feet tall where the north wind blows
Life can be cold when you live at the pole

If you're two feet tall where the north wind blows
Life can be cold when you live at the pole

(chorus)

Used to carry finger paint, cellophane tape
Maybe every now and then get a case of live bait
"AahhIIII?" Now they're getting in shape
Guess what? (clunk) The kids want weights

"We might just come up to your knees"
Need hiking, biking. "Like you might not freeze."
Get outside with the birds and the bees
Elfa-curricular activities

We got no birds and bees at the pole
Well I guess we got penguins if the truth be told
After four hundred years the job's still happenin
We got a chance here 'cause the Elves be rappin

 

SANTA AND HIS REINDEER GOT THEIR MODULAR HOME

 

(Benny Grunch Antin) Anzel-Anzel, BMI

 

"All aboard for the Siberian Express. If you got a problem with bein' frightfully cold, and you ridin' this train?

Baby, you 'bout to have a bad day."

 

Santa got a loan, got a modular home, and the reindeer shouted out with glee..."Yeahhh!

Man, let's blow this popsicle stand, and move someplace we ain't gotta' freeze."

So they packed the sleigh tight, UPS'd it Overnite; Santa said "Everybody dress warm,

On account we're gonna catch The Siberian Express.

That sled's gonna' be there 10:00AM tomorrow mornin'."

 

Santa and his reindeer got their modular home and their movin in right next door.

Said, it's too cold up here for even reindeers' ears. We don't wanna' be cold no more.

 

Mrs. Claus was in Florida on Christmas vacation.

Left the elves by themselves at the Amtrack Station, through sleet, snow, and hail.

And the Road Home check is in the mail. The Road Home check is in the mail.

 

They rode that train through Siberian terrain, as they told some North Pole stories,

Like wearin' ice skates across the Bearing Straits.

And Rudolf led a dog sled through Yukon Territory.

Came in through Montana to North Alabama, where they manufacture modular homes.

Put it on the truck, everybody wished 'em luck.

Santa's at the wheel with the CB microphone.

 

Santa and his reindeer...etc...

Mrs. Claus...etc...

 

(Santa plays harmonica)

 

Santa got a loan, got a modular home, and the reindeer shouted out with glee..."Yeahh!

Man, let's can this popsicle stand, and move someplace we ain't gotta' freeze...Yeah!"

 

Santa and his reindeer...etc...

 

Sleet, snow, hale. And the Road Home check is in the mail.

 

Santa and his reindeer...etc...

If we miss the Polar mammals we'll turn on the Travel Channel...

 

Santa and his reindeer...etc...

It's too cold up here for little reindeers...

 

"Listen up, everybody. We got celebrity passengers on the train today, Santa and his reindeer. Let's hear it for 'em. (clap-clap-clap...) Say, Santa where ya'll headed to?"

 

"Well, we're all movin down to New-Orleens. Might get a little storm.

But it shure is warm!" ("Ha ha ha ha ha ha...")

 

SANTA PUT THE HURT ON YOU

(R. Lewis) (Adaptation: Benny "Grunch" Antin) C Minor, BMI

Ain't no use in getting up early this mornin
Santa put the hurt on you
Might as well go back to sleep and turn off your alarm 'n now cause
Santa put the hurt on you

He made up a list and called me once or twice
Santa put the hurt on you
I told him that you wasn't even half way nice, so
Santa put the hurt on you

(Saxophone solo with "Santa put the hurt on you")

You wouldn't eat your vegegables, you wouldn't go to bed
Santa put the hurt on you
Shoulda never got a tattoo on the top of your head, well
Santa put the hurt on you

You stay down by your grandma 'cause she needs company
Santa put the hurt on you
Then I seen you both at spring-break on MTV
Santa put the hurt on you

(Saxaphone solo with "Santa put the hurt on you")

So ain't no use in getting up early this mornin
Santa put the hurt on you
He ate the cookies, drank the milk, then he was gone 'n now
Santa put the hurt on you

(Saxaphone solo with "Santa put the hurt on you")
(Piano solo with "Santa put the hurt on you")

 

O LITTLE TOWN OF DESTREHAN

(Benny "Grunch" Antin) Anzel Anzel, BMI

O Little Town of Destrehan
You're still just about three miles
From end to end where I-310
Has large and small reptiles
Yet way out on the Interstate
There's everlasting light
It's gas they blow from Shell Norco
You see it every night

Plantations grand, O there they stand
The stuff they used to grow
Was southern-fried and quick freeze-dried
Two centuries ago
If you're too poor to take a tour
And don't have time to wait
Try new Sarpy's US Post Office
Seven double-O Seven Eight

Yes…they, really jam in Destrehan
But that's not all there is
Ormand Estates' a real great place
To bring up all your kids
And in the dark you'll find it
If it's late don't make a sound
'Cause they've got class and lots of cash
So they get a neutral-ground

There's Pakistan and Big Cheyenne
Rio Grande and Bantustan
Harahan to Tammany
And Clarence Frogman Henry

But if you get lost in Destrehan
And don't know where you are
Take a right at any light
But don't get out your car
If something dark and slimy
With teeth is in your seat
You did just fine, you're on Airline
In the swamp across the street

So good night, little Destrehan
Give us a big go-cup
We gave away the mosquito spray
And the kids are all bit up
But guess who's going on a cruise
Before we get to old
To Disneyland of Afghanistan
Which ever one's not closed

Guess I'll never see Afghanistan
It it ain' on River Road.