EVACUATION DAY

 

Anzel-Anzel / White Cliffs, BMI (Adapted by Benny Grunch Antin from "Graduation Day" (Henry Schroeder / Roy Wagner)

 

Though we all may be totally fried, if we ever leave again...

Ever leave again - Ever leave again

 

Y'all get off the sofa. Evacuation's near.

Go ahead and ride it out. Me, I'm outta' here.

Pack a case of soda, enough for several days.

Buy a bunch of batteries, D's and double A's.

 

Over on the West Bank, betta' save ya' Mama.

The bridge is free for evacuees, so you'll even save a dolla'.

Splat! The waves blow over, the Twin Spans on I-10.

There's the sign I-59. So here we go again! doo-doo-doo-doo

 

What just happened? Oh, no. It's Contraflow.

My GPS is freakin' out. It don't know where to go.

The radio fades way down low. Now it's gettin' louder.

It's slow motion Twilight Zone at thirteen miles an hour.

 

Way past noon in Picayune, traffic's at a crawl.

We'll get some gas in Birmingham just in time for Mardi Gras.

Back the car up closer, over by the trees.

How come they got no bathrooms, in Mississippi? doo-doo-doo-doo

 

Could be in Plaquemines, filling bags with sand.

Maybe in Metry, to crank the pumps by hand.

Saturday watchin' football, Sunday a refugee.

This woulda' never happened if Nash Roberts was on TV.

 

When we stop to unpack, another's on the way.

And we will all remember, twice in one September.

Evacuation Day - Evacuation, Evacuation, Evacuation, Evacuation

Evacuation... (Traffic noise/Car horns)... Day

THE TWELVE YATS OF CHRISTMAS
(Benny "Grunch" Antin) Anzel Anzel, BMI

 

1. On'da foist day'a Christmas mah

Mawmaw gave'to me a Crawfish'dey

Caught in Arabi

2. In'da Christmas Picayune I seen it

Dere'n Section E, Tujaque's Recipe

3. On'da thoid day' a Christmas we
Stopped at McKenzie for Three French Breads

4. On the fourth day I said OK let's get a

Christmas tree Before'ya Drive Me Nuts

5. On the fifth day of Christmas we

stopped at A&G for Frrried Onion Rrrings

6. On'da sixth day'a Christmas we

stopped at K&B's for a Six Pack'a Dixie

7. Cemetery traffic got backed up to

Metairie at the Seventeenth Street Canal

8. On'da eighth day of Christmas me and

Rosalie Ate By'ya Mama's

9. On the ninth day of Christmas we drove

down Delery in'da Lower Ninth Ward

10. I used'ta be at Kaiser now I'm woikin

down'da street at'da Tenneco Chalmette Refinery

11. On the eleventh day at Vetran's

Highway try'ta cross the street with Eleven Schwegmann Bags

12. On the twelfth day of Christmas my

true love gave to me a Dozen Manuel's Tamales

 SANTA AND HIS REINDEER USED TO LIVE RIGHT HERE
(Benny "Grunch" Antin) Anzel Anzel, BMI

 

Siding on the sides, washer in the rear
Santa and his reindeer used to live right here

 

Here's a Christmas story thatcha probably didn't know
Like most Christmas stories happened long time ago
In a renovated double near Broad and St. Bernard
Lived a fat little hippy with some livestock in his yard

 

There was elves in and out, a refrigerated van
People thought it was a day-care or a Sno-Ball stand
Been a bunch of tenants, been a bunch of years
But Santa and his reindeer used to live right here

 

Time Saver save time, spent a lot of dimes
Reindeer need a lot of Icees in the summertime
Working through the rain, through Betsy's Hurricane
Wasn't just playin no reindeer games
Blitzen went to McDonaugh, Rudolf went to Colton School
It was rough bein reindeer 'fore reindeer were cool
Dasher went to Warren Easton, Donna went to Sacret Heart
She didn't make the dances but they'd meet in City Park

 

Porch in the front, yard in the back
Still got toys in the attic in the sack
Siding on the sides, washer in the rear
Santa and his reindeer used to live right here

 

Sold a little toys, paid a little rent
Made deliveries on the street car, it was only seven cents
They needed somethin bigger for a bigger operation
Doin lotta Greyhound Waitin-At-The-Station

 

They were looking at a four-door Oldsmobile
Instead bought a sleigh out the News On Wheels
Added power-steering, added power-brakes
Had that sled painted red at Fact-O-Bake

 

It would magically propel, but park parallel
But you know Rudolf, he don't wanna wear no helmet
Traffic, weather, "we really wanna stay"
Oh, Santa's pretty tired getting his sleigh towed away

 

Ok, you know where they went, OK you know it's cold up there
Ok, you know it's in the middle of everywhere
I wanna make it plain, I wanna make it clear
Santa and his reindeer used to live right here

 

(rap chorus)
(sing chorus)
(rap chorus)
(sing chorus)

I GOT A USED KAZOO FOR CHRISTMAS
(Benny "Grunch" Antin) Anzel Anzel, BMI

 

I got a used kazoo for Christmas (kazoos)
It's kinda smooshed but what's the difference (kazoo)
I don't lend it out to strangers (kazoo)
Kazoos are hardly ever dangerous (kazoo)

 

I'm fixin a sammich to send to Santa (Fa la)
Delta air-freight through Atlanta (Fa la)
Don't need to be refrigerated (Fa la)
'Cause I just now accidently ate it (Fa la)
Hey Baby, kick it for me!

 

I'm asked to sing with the Yacht Club Chorus (Fa la)
The Commodore will just adore us (Fa la)
The members say we're all improving (Fa la)
Perhaps, I'll even shake-my-groove-thing (Fa la)
(Opera Lady & Sammich guy (Fa la)

 

So every day and all night long (Car alarm)
I set-off my car alarm (Car alarm)
The neighbors yelled, "Hey get a job!" (Car alarm)
Then turned into an angry mob (Car alarm)

 

(Kazoo and Car alarm play O Come All Ye Faithful)

 

I shouldn't have no carbonation (Fa la & burps)
Says so on my medication (Fa la & burps)
I was at this party having a soda (Fa la & burps)
La burp la la burp, la la burp (Fa la & burps)
A warm root-beer, then a diet-cola (Fa la & burps)
(Kazoo Kid, Opera Lady & Car alarm Fa la)

 

I got a part time job this fall (Kazoo)
I'm a reindeer at the mall (Kazoo)
I wear hoffies on my toes (Kazoo)
And a light with batteries up my nose (Kazoo)
(Raindeer girl with batteries in her nose, Opera Lady, Sammich guy & Kazoo Fa la)

 

(Everybody joins in)
I got a used kazoo for Christmas (kazoos)
It's kinda smooshed but what's the difference (kazoo)
I don't lend it out to strangers (kazoo)
Kazoos are hardly ever dangerous (kazoo)

(Everybody Fa la)
(Everybody Fa la)

 CHRISTMAS IN CHALMETTE
(Benny "Grunch" Antin) Anzel Anzel, BMI

 

There's a little town straight on down
The Avenue of St. Claude
With Our Lady of Prompt Succor Church
In the Parish of St. Bernard
I have been there, got-gown in there
Alas, without regret
It was a special time of year…
Christmas in Chalmette (whistle)

 

You could sail to Avondale across the hemispheres
Ya oughta rode the ferry boat from Lower Coast Algiers
Straight ahead at Judge Perez go right, no wait that's wrong
So turn around by Tenneco, 'cept Tenneco is gone

 

There's manger scenes with laser beams blinkin off and on
Just pull all the stuff you want right out on your front lawn
Three Wise Kinds and angels sing to wooden reindeer heads

Santa pose in Elvis clothes, it's Christmas in Chalmette
Wake up Christmas mornin to TV Ninja Wars
Kids in shades and roller-blades playin new guitars
Some guy got some Bond-O, he's beatin our his dents
Engines turnin up a bunch'a thousand RPM's

 

But sometimes late on Christmas Eve a ghost or two appears
It's Jean Lafitte and you say, John hey where's your Buccaneers
Don't get smart with ghosts you meet at Chalmette Battlefield
Don't play with them ol' cannons, 'cause they still can shoot for real (cannon)

 

Excuse me if I'm giddy, but let's not go back home
I've had drive-thru daquiris in cups of styrofoam
Let's go down the road, we'll get crabs soft-shelled
Can't leave this time of year

Traffic's bad as hell

You was late because you caught the bridge and train and then
Turned around and caught the train and caught the bridge again
Did you take some Polaroids of every place you've been
And visit sacred ruins like the St. Bernard Drive-In

So lemme see the pictures, what they came out bad, for true
Come back again take I-510, no-huh you that too
You're luck see, it on CD and audio cassette
This is it, it ain't no (buzzer) it's Christmas in Chalmette
Christmas in Chalmette…
(ring…bark…ratchet…fog horn…breaking glass…cannon)

 

Merry Christmas, Dawlin'…

 O LITTLE TOWN OF DESTREHAN
(Benny "Grunch" Antin) Anzel Anzel, BMI

 

O Little Town of Destrehan
You're still just about three miles
From end to end where I-310
Has large and small reptiles
Yet way out on the Interstate
There's everlasting light
It's gas they blow from Shell Norco
You see it every night

 

Plantations grand, O there they stand
The stuff they used to grow
Was southern-fried and quick freeze-dried
Two centuries ago
If you're to poor to take a tour
And don't have time to wait
Try new Sarpy's US Post Office
Seven double-O Seven Eight

 

Yes…they, really jam in Destrehan
But that's not all there is
Ormand Estates' a real great place
To bring up all your kids
And in the dark you'll find it
If it's late don't make a sound
'Cause they've got class and lots of cash
So they get a neutral-ground
There's Pakistan and Big Cheyenne
Rio Grande and Bantustan
Harahan to Tammany
And Clarence Frogman Henry

 

But if you get lost in Destrehan
And don't know where you are
Take a right at any light
But don't get out your car
If something dark and slimy
With teeth is in your seat
You did just fine, you're on Airline
In the swamp across the street

 

So good night, little Destrehan
Give us a big go-cup
We gave away the mosquito spray
And the kids are all bit up
But guess who's going on a cruise
Before we get to old
To Disneyland of Afghanistan
Which ever one's not closed

 

Guess I'll never see Afghanistan
It it ain' on River Road.

 SANTA PUT THE HURT ON YOU
(R. Lewis) (Adaptation: Benny "Grunch" Antin) C Minor, BMI

 

Ain't no use in getting up early this mornin
Santa put the hurt on you
Might as well go back to sleep and turn off your alarm 'n now cause
Santa put the hurt on you

 

He made up a list and called me once or twice
Santa put the hurt on you
I told him that you wasn't even half way nice, so
Santa put the hurt on you

(Saxophone solo with "Santa put the hurt on you")

 

You wouldn't eat your vegegables, you wouldn't go to bed
Santa put the hurt on you
Shoulda never got a tattoo on the top of your head, well
Santa put the hurt on you

 

You stay down by your grandma 'cause she needs company
Santa put the hurt on you
Then I seen you both at spring-break on MTV
Santa put the hurt on you

 

(Saxaphone solo with "Santa put the hurt on you")

 

So ain't no use in getting up early this mornin
Santa put the hurt on you
He ate the cookies, drank the milk, then he was gone 'n now
Santa put the hurt on you

 

(Saxaphone solo with "Santa put the hurt on you")
(Piano solo with "Santa put the hurt on you")

 IF I WON DA LOTTRY FOR CHRISTMAS
(Benny "Grunch" Antin) Anzel Anzel, BMI

 

(doorbells)
Screen door's open

 

If I won da lottry for Christmas
I'd go out and celebrate
With a bottle of under-ground water
That comes from across the lake

 

If I won da lottry for Christmas
We don't have to spend a whole bunch
I'd take up a course at Delgado
And eat at Bud's Broiler for lunch

If I won da lottry for Christmas
I'd fix all the holes in the street
I'd bring back the Jackson Brewery
Where they used to have Pontchartrain Beach

 

If I won da lottry for Christmas
I'd give some to the S.P.C.A.
Give some to the Toys That's For Tots
Spend the rest on myself at John Jay

 

Spend a whole bunch at Bud's Broiler
Fix up the holes in the street
Spend the rest on a Toys For Tots party
Move John Jay's out to Pontchartrain Beach
We'd vacation at the Broadwater Beach

That's on the Gulf Coast, you know
But let's not forget the less fortunate
Who stay home in Westwego - oooooh

 

Now look, you're laughin you think it's funny.
But when I win da lottry, me and Herby Jerbez
We're gonna put air-condition in the camp out in Little Woods. I'm gonna build my little brother-in-law a house,

A big house in Buccaneer Villa North.
I think I'm gonna buy that Carnival Cruise Line, and
Me and Therese can take a little trip, you know.

 

If I won da lottry for Christmas
I'd have the grass all nice and mowed
I'd get 'em to shape the Ligustrum
To look just like Fats Domino
If I won da lottry for Christmas
Your Daddy, he's gonna be glad
He won't have to drive your Mama to bingo
I'll put her in a Metry Cab

 

You Daddy ran over to bingo
Your Daddy ran up on the grass
He ran over your Mama's Ligustrums
Last night in a Metry Cab

 

We wanna wish peace on earth
To all the Yats all over the world
And send Goodwill to everybody's house
Where they got stuff on the front porch
That needs to be picked up

 

If we won da lottry for Christmas
We'd probably just give it away
So you better come by if you want some
We'll have nothin by New Years day

 I BOUGHT PRESENTS
(Adaptation from: I Got Loaded) Original author: Harrison D. Nelson / Adapter: Benny "Grunch" Antin / Publisher: EMI Unart Catalog Inc., BMI

 

I went down to Macy's right around Christmas time
The season was just getting underway, and I could feel the spirits climb
So I bought presents
I bought presents
I bought presents and a bottle of Christmas wine

 

Told my pretty Baby, I wouldn't shop late no more
But every time I tried to leave, I got caught in the revolving door

So I bought presents
I bought presents
I bought present and a bottle of Christmas wine

 

Made me feel so happy, I took the escalator up and down
Put my name on the line every time, that credit card came around

 

And I bought presents
I bought presents
I bought presents and a bottle of Christmas wine
If you see my Baby, tell her this for me
I didn't mean to stay so long, but the gift wrap there was free

 

So I bought presents
I bought presents
I bought presents and a bottle of Christmas wine

 

The last thing I remember, I heard the sales clerk say
Don't make him stop just let him shop, until the break of day

 

And I bought presents
I bought presents
I bought presents and a bottle of Christmas wine

 

And I bought presents
I bought presents
I bought presents and a bottle of Christmas wine

 

I bought presents
Christmas presents
I bought presents and a bottle of Christmas wine

 NORRIS THE NOCTURNAL NUTRIA
(Benny "Grunch" Antin) Anzel Anzel, BMI

 

Norris the Nocturnal Nutria

 

Norris was a Nutria
Who could not get to sleep
Playin on the lawn all night long
At #3 Cypress Tree

 

Norris thought he was way too big
To stay on his own front lawn
He swam in the dark to West End Park
And tunneled into a restaurant

 

Momma and Daddy sat Norris down
With his pals on the nutrial-ground
Hey it's Christmas time, if you're not gonna sweat it
Layin wide awake in the nest ain't gonna get it

 

Every kid who grows, Santa knows
Every time they sleep and eat
If you can't find sheep, ya better count Jeeps
Or try warm milk with Nutria Sweet, they said

 

Norris, you're a Nocturnal Nutria
Norris, don't know what we're gonna do witcha'
Norris, better think about your futura

 

You and all your pals, out in the canals
Swimmin after dark at West End Park
We don't know where you're goin
We don't know where you been
But Santa don't come till you're really tucked in

 

Norris at bed time Christmas Eve
Made a stretch, did some yawns
Set the alarm, put his jammies on
Brushed his teeth till they were nice and orange

 

Norris wrote a Santa note
He wants a watch, a soccer ball
A jet-ski boat so he can float
In reverse and Drive and Nutrial

 

Poor little Norris gotta be nocturnal
Sittin up in bed with the Ladies Home Journal
Tried CNN, elevator-FM
That's when he thought he heard Santa come in

 

It was just a frog on the living room log
Santa stopped to take his pill
'Fore he had to tromp through the whole wide swamp
Santa fell asleep at the Bar & Grill

 

(Norris chorus)
(West-End chorus)

 

Now it's light of day, check out Santa's sleigh
It's full of dings from the parking lot
And Mrs. Clause don't like no bars
But Santa knew he had to make on more stop

 

So not it's mornin, Norris is snoring
Santa looked at his lap-top screen
Norris didn't pout, he kinda watched out
Guess I'll go ahead and leave him everything, he said

 

Norris, you're a Nocturnal Nutria
Norris, don't know what we're gonna do witch
Norris, this is what I got for ya

 

A night-time pass to the Sno-Ball Stand
An underwater watch with an alligator band
Gotcha soccer ball, no jet-ski yet
But here's a little nutria size bullet proof vest

(Norris chorus)
(West-End chorus)

 I COULD SEE THE ALUMINUM TREE THROUGH THE PICTCHA WINDA
(Benny "Grunch" Antin) Anzel Anzel, BMI

 

I could see the aluminum tree
Through the pitcha winda, pitcha winda
It turned red
It turned blue
It turned green
I was a well known opportunity-waster
On my three-speed English racer
And you could look right into our living room
At the Philco TV screen
Guess who's on?

 

"Jangle-jingle, here comes Mr. Bingle"
He had his own theme song
A puppet with his own theme song
And you could see him live
From the MB sidewalk
All season long
With Slinkies and Union skates
The downtown stores
Stayed open late
Bring a little cash
For some Heavenly Hash
Try your new shoes on
Red Goose shoes

 

I could see the aluminum tree through the pictcha winda

 

Check out a different neighborhood
Almost every night
A few blocks up Canal street
The big house with all the lights

Illuminated Christmas creations
Outrageous animations
The peanut guys, and the taffy man
Were like part of the decorations

 

There's a box up in the attic
That says "Old Christmas Stuff"
Old Christmas stuff
And the neighbors
And the kids would laugh
If I set it up
But me, I'd have a ball
With the color-wheel and all
Then I'd ride by slow outside
Oh, and if anybody calls

 

Just say that's me
And my aluminum tree
In the pictcha winda
One more time

 

I could see the aluminum tree through the pictcha winda

 

I could see me and that tree
In the pictcha winda
In the pictcha winda

 THE ELVES FINALLY RAP
(Benny "Grunch" Antin) Anzel Anzel, BMI

 

We, called ya'll together and we're glad you're here
Letcha' know how us elves we really feel
'Bout the toys and the shop and the gear for the deer
We're finally rappin. Can you hear us in the rear?

 

We're gonna start right out with a few surprises
We're all two feet tall but different sizes
Like Relf here can eat three pizza piezes
Is that right, Relfy? "Yeah, surprises."

 

Can we ride the roller coaster?…"Gotta be tall"
Get a Bay Watch poster?…"Too small"
Drive in the bumper cars?…"Gotta be tall"
Play electric guitars…"Too small"
Shoot a BB rifle…"Gotta be tall"
Motorcycle…"No way at all!"

 

When you're two feet tall where the north wind blows
Life can be cold when you live at the pole

 

These ain't our beards, ain't really our hats
And really these shoes. Where'd they get them at?
Say "Nobody's feet really looks like that."

 

Melfin here speaks Elfin if you need a translator
Manuelf is a glacier skater
You met Relph, elevator operator
Ol' Delf is a Elfis impersonator. "Ooooo!"

(chorus)

 

When you're two feet tall where the north wind blows
Life can be cold if you live at the pole

 

Tired of needin somebody big with me
Tired of seein movies all rated with G

 

Saturday we gotta pile in the sleigh
With Mrs. Clause, it's her grocery day

With her jewelry and her list and her hair all sprayed
She's a little old lady who drives this way

 

With her head all back like she's lookin up
But she can't see over no reindeer butts
And we're holdin on screamin like we must be nuts
But she won't were her glasses and her eyes freeze shut

 

If you're two feet tall where the north wind blows
Life can be cold when you live at the pole

If you're two feet tall where the north wind blows
Life can be cold when you live at the pole

 

(chorus)

 

Used to carry finger paint, cellophane tape
Maybe every now and then get a case of live bait
"AahhIIII?" Now they're getting in shape
Guess what? (clunk) The kids want weights

 

"We might just come up to your knees"
Need hiking, biking. "Like you might not freeze."
Get outside with the birds and the bees
Elfa-curricular activities

 

We got no birds and bees at the pole
Well I guess we got penguins if the truth be told
After four hundred years the job's still happenin
We got a chance here 'cause the Elves be rappin

 And Schweggman's Gone Away AIN'T DERE NO MORE
(Benny "Grunch" Antin) Anzel Anzel, BMI

Where's the downtown stores
Ain't there no more
Where's the Schwegmann's stores
Ain't there no more
Where's all the stores
Ain't there no more

 

Everybody cried
On the Live Eyewitness news
McKenzie's got closed down
'Cause a zink was all mildewed

 

Well, they opened up again
But while I was in line
They all closed down, but I heard they're gonna
Open one more time

 

Just hotels, just hotels
More are on the way
Mr. Bingle quit at the Carlton Ritz
"Cause he can't reach the buffet..ay

 

Krauss is gone so you can't try on
No queen-size lingerie
But, watcha gonna do with K & B
And Schwegmann's gone away

 

A & G's ain't there no more
Mc Crory's ain't there no more
Waterbury's ain't there no more
Dailey's ain't there no more
Red Goose-'a ain't there no more
Them biddies shoes-'a ain't there no more
Godchaux's Mens …On the second floor?
That's the one! ain't there no more

 

Maison Blanche and Holme's
Was just like dinosaurs
That roamed out in Gentilly Woods
Before it was explored

 

Downtown a million years
Then gone in just a blink
MB's and Holmes and dinosaurs
Are mostly all extinct

 

(Just hotels chorus)

 

Lowes State show ain't there no more
Miller Wohl ain't there no more
Leonard Krower's ain't there no more
Claiborne Towers ain't there no more
Well, Kress's then ain't there no more
'Was a "five and ten" ain't there no more
Old Grocery store with the …double screen door?
That's the one! Ain't there no more

 

Paw paw shopped at Schwegmann's
Forty years or more
'Cause Schwegmann's had a bar-room
Right there in the store

 

Paw Paw got some French bread
Then he hung around
He'd walk home with the shopping cart
So he wouldn't just fall down

 

(Just hotels chorus)

 

Labiche's ain't there no more
Kreeger's ain't there no more
Stein's is great ain't there no more
Rivergate ain't there no more

 

Hey, look they're layin tracks
Canal street-car is back
And Rubenstein's and Walgreens
Still right there where they at

 

(Just hotels chorus)

 

Watcha gonna do with K & B
And Schwegmann's gone away

 

Schwegmann's gone away
Ain't there no more
Schwegmann's gone away
Ain't there no more

 

(Repeat and fade)

AIN'T DERE NO MORE - PART 2

(Benny "Grunch" Antin) Anzel Anzel, BMI

 

We're gonna go out 'most every night
Checkin out all the Christmas lights,
Ain't Dere No More's, got lots to say
Listen up fast or get out the way

 

I tried all night in Metry
At various locals
You can't catch oysters out the
West Esplanade canal

 

So-- Spray Rudolf with a can of Off
And set the house alarm
We'll go see lites in Metry
And what they got that's gone

 

JC's…Ain't dere no more
House of Lee's…Ain't dere no more
Metry Ford…Ain't dere no more
On Metry Road…Ain't dere no more
Pelican Bowl…Ain't dere no more
Wrap' N Roll…Ain't dere no more
How 'bout the Real…Superstore
That's the one…Ain't dere no more

 

If your lights in St. Bernard
Stay up the whole year then
Just wait at least till Trick or Treat
Before ya plug em in

 

So-Spray Rudolf with a can of Off
And set the house alarm
We'll go see lites in St. Bernard
And what they got that's gone

 

Atlantic Thrift…Ain't dere no more
Drug Store was Trist…Ain't dere no more
Jerry La Vie's…Ain't dere no more
Broom Factory…Ain't dere no more
Cow Town…Ain't dere no more
Whole thing burned down…Ain't dere no more
West's Lumber…Cut them boards
2 x 4's…Ain't dere no more

 

Lakeveiw's getting swank
Coffee shops and banks
And churches where they all give thanks
For the streets that ain't yet sank

 

So-- Spray Rudolf with a can of Off
We'll go see lites in Lakeview
And what they got that's gone

 

Rockery Inn…Ain't dere no more
Velvet Swing…Ain't dere no more
Lenfant's in the back…Ain't dere no more
Smokehouse smoke stack…Ain't dere no more
Don't Cook Tonight…Ain't dere no more
Call Chicken Delight…Ain't dere no more
Lakeview Show then…Harrison Drug Store
Studio-A…Ain't dere no more

 

On St. Charles Avenue
They need some more de¢cor
But Audubon Park wouldn't be so dark
If the Copelands lived next door

 

So-- Spray Rudolf with a can of Off
And set the house alarm
We'll go see lites in Uptown
And what they got that's gone

 

Eiffel Tower…Ain't dere no more
Loretta's Flowers…Ain't dere no more
Swan Boat…Ain't dere no more
A Schweikhardt's float…Ain't dere no more
Beaconette…Ain't dere no more
Frank's on Feret…Ain't dere no more
The Kiddie Store…No, that's Broadmore!
Wise's…Ain't dere no more

 

Whatcha wanna see now…Across the river
I'm goin back home..Comin with us
Bridgebowl…Ain't dere no more
Keyhole…Ain't dere no more
Coulon's, Borne's…Hardware stores?
Don't tell me…Ain't dere no more
Belle Promenade Mall…Ain't dere no more
The stores 'n all? …Ain't dere no more
Magnolia Grill…Ain't dere no more
Wego On The Hill…Ain't dere no more
Cellar Club…Ain't dere no more
It's The Last Roundup…Ain't dere no more

 

Jacobson Young…Where the lights are strung
We must be goin down…Carrollton
Jim's Fried Chicken…Ain't dere no more
Homeplate still kickin? …Ain't dere no more
Pelican Stadium…Ain't dere no more
Lemme guess…Ain't dere no more
Security's…Ain't dere no more

Rueter's Seeds…Ain't dere no more
Cloverlands' Cows…Ain't dere no more
Post Office Now? …Ain't dere no more
Gerard Chevrolet…(Impala 2-Door)
Let me drive…Ain't dere no more

 

Whatcha wanna see now…Out by the lake
I'm goin back home…Betta just wait
The Bounty…Ain't dere no more
East End Bakery…Ain't dere no more
Schult's got the…Fresh Hardware
Bart's…Ain't hardly there
Maggie and Smitty's…Ain't dere no more
And all those kitties…Ain't dere no more
The My O My…Ain't dere no more

 

Bali Hai…Ain't dere no more
Dancing Fountains…Ain't dere no more
Just keep on countin…Ain't dere no more

 

Rosenberg's…That's The Name!
18 - 25…Tu-lane
Gus Betat's, right…Ain't dere no more
Witcha' Paw Paw's bike…Ain't dere no more
Hadocol…Ain't dere no more
The Parades 'n all…Ain't dere no more
Topaz…Where that went?
Hi Balls…25¢
Miller The Killa'…A Real Killa' Dilla'
Ain't Dere No Mooorrre

 METAIRIE O METAIRIE

Copyright-2003 (Benny 'Grunch Antin) Anzel-Anzel, BMI

Metairie O Metairie, Take Veterans go Westerly
Startin from Lake Avenue, Wavin to construction crews
Ya betta not get jet propelled, There's Kenner Cops past Roosevelt

 

But Metry Cops O Metry Cops, They don't make no traffic stops
They don't file police reports, At the Bucktown Civil District Court
They don't send out for onion rings, 'Cause Metry Cops... Ain't no such thing
And that's how come we'll never watch, A cable show called Metry Cops
Chasin guys like the ones you see, In undershirts on Real TV

 

Metairie, Metairie, M-E-T-A-I-R-I-E
That's the way that it's supposed to be, But me; I say Metry

 

Lakeside Mall O Lakeside Mall, Looka that big crowd n'all
In tennis shoes at mornin' time, walkin fast for exercise
I'm keepin up but it's gettin wierd, Walkin fast while you're drinkin beer
So I'm checkin out rhe parkin lot, A zillion yellow parkin spots
They're puttin up the Christmas star, And viewing stands for Mardi Gras

\

Metry Cabs O Metry Cabs, Get mad when you eat boiled crabs
Jumbo shrimps that's barbequed, Sno-balls that make your teeth turn blue
But Metry cabs get really glad, When ya' wanna' go to..."Beau Revadge"?

 

(Metairie, Metairie...chorus)

 

Grocery stores O Grocery stores, Caution Automatic Doors !
I went to The Real Supa Store, I forgot...Ain't Dere No More
I'm tryin to improve my mind, Readin tabloids in the check-out line
I read that Harry Lee was the chauffera, Waitin outside for Operha
She was chowin down at Sal 'n Sams, With Elvis and a alien

 

(Metairie, Metairie...chorus)

 

Metry Lawn O Metry Lawn, Great place to go when you are gone
By the end of I-610, Right there by your Mamma,n Nem
That's where I'll take my final bow, But maybe not just right right now

 

(Metairie, Metairie...chorus)

 

Metairie, Metairie; 834- and 833-
Sorry you caught termites in your trees, But I still like Metry

 

Metairie, Metairie; Where ya' hardly never ever freeze
But when I got my allergies, I can still say Metry
I just say Metry; Me, I say Metry

 THE NITE BEFORE RITE BEFORE THE NITE BEFORE CHRISTMAS
(Benny "Grunch" Antin) Anzel-Anzel BMI; c-2004

 

I know you chillrens heard about the new fallin snow

And the luster of midday to objects below
T'wuz (they mean "wuz") to my eyes should appear
But ya'll lemme tell ya what happened last year...

 

It was the Nite Before Rite Before The Nite Before Christmas
Me and a mouse on the couch watchin TV, but listen
We see sugar plums dancin up in some kids room
But it's supposed to be The Creature From The City Park Lagoon

 

So I climb a ladder, what's a matter, looka this
There's a sleigh in the way of my sattelite dish
I'm all up in the dark, my TV viewin's ruined
When I fell into this sled and hear ("Hey how ya' doin?")

 

It was elves, guess who else, Santa wearin sneakers
Chimmied up the chimney for the hot water heater
I go; Hoofs on my roof? It's a wonder it ain't fell in!
He said, "Son, you're 'bout to have some fun." With that he started yellin:

 

On! Rocky and Carlo. On! Frankie and Johnnie. On! Sal and Sam. We forgetin any body?
Giddyup! Maggie and Smitty. On! Danny and Clyde. ("Ya' got ten.") I never get it right...

 

We shot up in a storm, loud as Kenner with the planes
Good thing I left the boards up from the last hurricane
From the top of the porch to the top of the wall
Like they smash away the trash away at Lakeside Mall

 

All'away from Crowder back to the Falstaff tower
Monkey Hill to Mandeville in quarter of an'hour
We flew thru the zoo, tell the elves be very quiet
And don't feed the animals they need a special diet

 

Gettin bugs on the rugs, bugs on my nose
We must be goin over Lafitte Larose
Mercy me, looka' see, a rarity in this locale
Izzat snow? ("No, it's the Industrial Canal")

 

(Repeat Chorus, but add)...Whoa! Larry and Katz, "That's twelve." I try...

 

Santa'd pop a wheelie, then he'd pop a stoppa'
His tee shirt said North Pole County Choppa'
'Cause he knows how to go, every street and alley
Got a map folded flat by Rand McNally:

 

Euphrosine Dufresene Melpomene Magazine
Arlene Darlene Charlene Marlene
Aline Voisine Dauphine Orleans
Celestine Imogene Josephine and Kath-a-lene

 

Lake Vista, Lake Terrace, Lake Shore, Lakeview
Lake Kennelworth, Lake Avenue
'Mergency landin' South of Picayune
For the elves on I-12 ("Gotta' use the rest room")

 

(Repeat Chorus, but add)...Up! Goin' for a ride
Giddyup! Clarence and Lefty. On! R and O.
Whoa! ("Sounds like a reindeer rodeo")

 

Santa said "Son, it's been fun, we'll get together,
Gotta roll up to the Pole..." ("So we can all enioy the weather")
Tomorrow nite's allright but tonite's a little
It's The Nite Before Rite Before The Nite Before Christmas

 

(Repeat Chorus, but add)...On! F and M out on the Patio
Giddyup! Sid and Mar. On! Albert and Weggman.
Whoa! Now how many'zzat? ("Like maybe twenty seven")
Skinny and Marie. On! Ralph and Kackoo.
On! Mat and Naddie. Wallace and Raul.

 

Nite Before Rite Before The Nite Before Christmas (repeat and fade)
(fade with) "Go head up front Ruddock. Wipe them bugs off your nose."

 TEMPORARILY AIN'T DERE NO MORE
(A Tale Of Two Cities - Lakeview & St. Bernard)

(Benny "Grunch" Antin) Anzel-Anzel BMI; c-2005

See Grand Isle, if it's way out miles in the Gulf of Mexico
Then I guess we'd go to Westwego for The Tarpon Rodeo
Here's a tale of two cities that were sittin' too pretty
'Tween the 17th St. Canal and Gulf of Mexico
When they both got dunked and sunk till they stunk
Now I don't wanna say "Ain't Dere No More"

'Cause they comin right back, you can quote me on that,
Twice as nice as they was before
Startin' with the Parish of St. Bernard -
Temporarily Ain't Dere No More

Whimpy's Tavern, Nye's Bar, DC's, Treasures,
Brewsters, Wahoo's, Yogi's, Desi's
BJ's, Rebel Seafood, Jubilee,
Trietler's, Taff's, witcha' hogs head cheese
Fradella's, Car Craft, Pontiff Brothers, Boyd Breaux,
Blue Dot, Tims, T&T, Compagno
Nunez College, Arabi Food Store -
Temporarily Ain't Dere No More

Penny Lanes, Da Pope, Pepe's, Paridise Daiquiris,
Ponstein's, Peligrini's, Par III's, Par III's
Rocky & Carlo, Jeanfreau, Domino,
Randazzo, Buffalo, Meraux Food Store
Barrister's, Breakfast Club, Gerold's, Big Easy,
Mutt's, Big Bev's, Ben's Pizza, WaiWai
Bubba Johns, Arabi Diner, Favalora's -
Temporarily Ain't Dere No "Mora"

Ya see Grand Isle . . .
But if your boat needs gas while Hopedale's trashed
And you're lookin' for a hi-class crowd
You can join right up at the Southern Yacht Club
But it ain't gonna be right now.

Now who's got alleys so you don't have to carry
All your garbage cans out there on ya new mowed lawn
There was butterflies, parrots, squirrels, organic carrots
All of a sudden with the floodin' it was almost gone
But they're comin' back in hours, out plantin' little flowers
On the neutral ground all away out to Lake Shore
Never thought there'd be a curfew right here in Lakeview -
Temporarily Ain't Dere No More

Lakeview Harbor, Reginelli's, Dino's,
Homedale Inn, Wasabi, Loveccio's
Chateau and Company, Plantation Coffees,
Nine Hundred, Parlay's, gas at Dolly's
Steak Knife, La Cuisine, New Basin Pub,
And the donut shop that never opened up
Dixie, Landry's, Weaver's, China Rose -
Temporarily Ain't Dere No More

AJ's Hair, Bob's Shop, Ray's Barber,
Belle Vista, Keith, all the beauty parlors
Canal Boulevard Food Store, Mini Mimi's,
Lakeview Fine Foods, Harrison Grocery
Golden, One Hour, Deluxe, Magic,
Sadie's, Miss Muffin, Up Your Alley
Mr. Frank's, Joe, 70184 -
Temporarily Ain't Dere No More

Ya see Grand Isle . . . But if your boat needs gas . . .
If ya' didn't have a upstairs, probably got no underwear
Ya' house's inside's outside showin'
Got more trash than when Endymion passed
No place to go so we'll keep on goin'
Presbyterian, Baptist, Methodist, 'Piscopal,
St. Dominic, St. Luke, St. Paul
B&B, Lakewood, Lakeview Vet,
Ponchartrain Travel all the way to Chalmette
Myrtle Grove Trailer Park, American Arms,
Bobby's Place - wait, no, that's been gone!

Skateworld, Cure's, Given's Jewels,
Trucks at Paridise, Back to Lakeview
Hall of Frame, Veggie Clothes, Rock Climbaxes,
Wendy Schoen, Sofas, Cook Your Taxes
Sneaker Shop, Coral Reef, Gallery,
Goin' on down past Arabi
C&C, Hook & Line, Goody's Snoballs,
Chin's Chinese, Jake's Bingo Hall
Leon's, Lehrman's, Splash Your Car -
Temporarily Ain't Dere No More

Rockery Hardware, Progressive Guitar -
Temporarily Ain't Dere No More

Hopedale, Shell Beach, Delacroix -
Temporarily Ain't Dere No "Mo"

JB Pest got it under control -
Temporarily Ain't Dere No "Mole"

End of the World, Pip's, Down the Road -
Temporarily Ain't Dere No "Mode"

Reel Printing, Roy's next door -
Temporarily Ain't Dere No More

Green Store, Guillot's, Blackie Campo's -
Temporarily Ain't Dere No "Mo's"

Children's Place, Tanya's, Hine's, Delgada's -
Temporarily Ain't Dere No "Matta"

Bruno's Building, all two floors -
Temporarily Ain't Dere No "Mores"

Award Winner Video, Charles Boudreaux -
Temporarily Ain't Dere No "Mo"

Tropical Car Wash, Clean That Car -
Temporarily Ain't Dere No More

R.E. Smith, Persian Kitten, clothes and toes
and more beauticians
Cut Loose, Divas, Cynthia Francis,
Kenneth's Style, Planet Tanning
La Doux, Woman's World just females,
Shear Excellence, and Fantasy Nails

 OVER BY YOUR MAMA'N NEM

(Benny "Grunch" Antin) Anzel-Anzel BMI; c-2005

We could see the parades from the front porch
In the next block sometimes two a day
Let's hurry up to go catch some stuff
It was still somewhere all put away

Then we'd drag chairs out on the front lawn,
The metal ones that was round on the back
Sometimes they'd be yellow, now they're just rusty metal
The sidewalk had grass through the cracks

Over By Your Mama'n Nem, Over By Your Mama'n Nem
You wish you could go, butcha' can't no more
Over By Your Mama'n Nem

Remember how ya took lotsa' buses
And ya probably never been on a train
Did'ja start some vacations at the Trailways Station
Your relatives came down on the train

Did your uncle pull up in his big car
The dashboard was covered with chrome
The radio stations had autolocations
Hard to believe they're all gone

(chorus)

The clothes on the line, a new silver dime
The Fuller Brush Man, the attic fan
The grocery store had a double screen door
Run the hose on your slide, your street seemed so wide

Your house might have been on the corner
Just three or four doors away
Maybe that spot next to the old vacant lot
The one where we hung out all day

(chorus) (chorus)